The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
