fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
