So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
