My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize