i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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