we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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