the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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