I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
