He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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