i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
