Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
