Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
