You're so nebulous sometimes
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
