So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
