I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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