so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
