AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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