If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
