i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
