I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
