Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
