he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
