Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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