So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
