dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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