If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize