Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
