i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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