that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
