last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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