picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
