how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
