it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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