So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
