I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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