Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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