I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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