I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
