Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
