when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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