If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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