please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
