Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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