I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize