We're facebook friends in real life
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
