Screwed.edu
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
is that a dick in a sweater?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
