So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
