Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
