Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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