Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Randomize
