Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
