there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize