Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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