She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
