Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
