Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just google imaged poop.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You were trust falling into bushes
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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