We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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