Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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