moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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