the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize
