I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
