You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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