you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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