areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
