dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
