there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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