I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
