she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
