im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
this hospital has no fireball
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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