she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
