I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize