I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
