I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
