i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
