I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
