I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
