remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
