I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
