There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
