Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
