You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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