is your mom at the bar?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize