I wanna bring you to show and tell
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
