a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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