i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I supernannyed him into submission
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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