I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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