when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
