I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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