i need an iv and a liver transplant
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
