I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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