I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
