if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize