My cat gives me a boner
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
