why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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