Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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