She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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