She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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