That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
