we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
