Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
