All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
